Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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