i barfeds in our rink
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
