Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
