My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
