i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
