Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
