You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
