I puked a lego.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
