the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
