Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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