Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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