She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
