last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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