Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
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I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
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you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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