i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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