I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
