i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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