I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
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4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
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It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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