I just pynch a tree in the face
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
