oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I didn't shave. On purpose
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
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i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
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The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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