I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
