ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
