oh god the rape fog is back!
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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