we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
These tits shall not be calmed
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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