Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
