Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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