Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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