at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
