my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
