I just pynch a tree in the face
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
