He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
