i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
