non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
