We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
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