so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
