I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
