I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
