arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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