but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Help. Why am I so naked?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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