i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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