he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize