we have pet lesbian snakes
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
