I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My brain says no but my pants say off.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
