i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
