SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
