Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
