Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize