i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
