Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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