The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
