Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
