hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
