All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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