I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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