I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
