I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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