Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
