$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
