He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize