just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
