At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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