I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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