so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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