I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
