I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
