So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
