You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
