there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
