I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
