So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
