fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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