i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
