theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
