you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
